Today I am going to the saddest place on Earth. I booked my flight just last night, packed my suitcases and readied myself. You might be wondering where I am going, but I am only speaking metaphors.
I wish in reality; we had a “Moving On Airport,” where we pack our hurtful memories in a suitcase send them in a faraway land, sign a claim stub to retrieve them only when our ex-lovers find their way back in our arms. Upon checking-in, we will be injected with induced memory loss to numb break-ups. The flight will be on to our next lover, if we have more money we will fly business class to our soulmate, but no – in real life it is akin to entering a battlefield you’ll get shot multiple times, barely alive with so much pain, so here I am a soldier of love trying to get to the other side with my newly-acquired battle scars.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you that it is a sad article. It is about a death of real love, it’s the last page of our love book, it is a separation of lives that were once merged – but above of it all it’s a story of courage.
Late at night when I come face to face with my demons, I can’t help my thoughts from coming – I want you back. The way how your hands fit mine, the letters I wrote to make you smile, the hugs I got from you when I wait for you after long hours of work – these mere familiarities of you haunt me down before I go to sleep. My brain makes my pain feel so alive that I only hoped it would end sooner.
I want to say I am thankful our relationship happened. To my ex-lover, you have inspired me to become a better person. I have aspired perfection when it comes to our relationship so you wouldn’t have to settle on ordinary. I have built dreams for us; I never thought possible. At times I felt tired with all my efforts to make you happy, you’d smile over our silliness, and then we will feel like young kids all over again, with pure happiness. Looking back, you gave me happy memories too, and for that, I can’t thank you enough.
They say we get to meet and love people at different times in our lives. How many people did I love before you, it doesn’t matter? At this point, it is needless to say that out of all the people I’ve loved before – you’re the greatest love my heart has ever known.
I am glad that you came into my life that I’m already a grown-up. I have given you the sacrifices a man is ought to do to serve his girl. I have completely committed myself to giving everything there is that is why it is helping me a lot that I don’t have to bargain anymore. I knew that I had done everything on my part and so now I am moving forward.
If this heartbreak is the last gift you’d ever give me, I will take it thoroughly and use it to my advantage. The amount of motivation you give me is something to tell tales about. I’ve climbed 18 mountain peaks, ever since you left, with the fear that once I reach the top, I am going to miss you again. So now, I tell each sunset my eyes catch – that I am saying goodbye to all the memories that we once made, no matter how sad they seem to be, for I know along the trail of those mountains, I am going to meet another sunrise which will mark the start of my new life again.
I have come to terms that you came into my life for a short moment to teach me something. During those times we’ve been together, I hope I did my part in teaching you lessons in your life too. Wherever you go from this point of life we separated, I hope to fill a tiny space in your heart to keep all our memories. Knowing we played a role of making each other better makes the experience more meaningful.
As I write this part of my life, I bid goodbye to all the hopes that have kept me from moving on. I’ve finally talked myself out of thinking you will come back so I can start looking on a brighter future. Thanks for those sleepless nights. This heart may continue to beat for you, but I will make sure I’ll learn to live my life after you, and you don’t have to worry if I am hurting.
To my ex-lover, you are nothing but a beautiful painting in my mural. I can go on with my life, thinking that we both have painted colors in each other’s presence as no one else could. I’m turning this page with forgiveness and a promise to myself that if ever a girl walks into my life, I’ll be brave to love her and put down the walls to protect my healing heart.
Until then, I’ll be climbing more mountains, hanging out on my blog and occasionally eating some pizzas even if they remind me of you.
June 23, 2017 @ 3:00 AM